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Dog Blog: Lynx’s Diary

Posted by indigodream on 14 January, 2011

Thursday 13th January

Do you know wot, I don’t fink that Mummy Sue believes half the stuff I’s telling her – she don’t trust me at all – can you believe that? She keeps giving me them ‘looks’ – you know, the ones where she’s saying “ha, you’re getting away with it this time my lad but I’m on to your caper” – Huh!

Just as well the nice people at dog training believes me or I’d get no rest at all, not one little bit. See, I’s got to go to class by meslef now coz if me, Lou an’ Ty go together we just get into a greyhound huddle in the corner and we don’t do nuffink. I thought that if I was by myself they might expect me to reely work hard coz I’s in the hadvanced class wif all them border collies – you, the keen ones wot obeys every command at the twitch of a finger. But I’s found that I can still wander off to me bed in the middle of the class and the boss lady’s laughing so much I don’t get told off. The boss lady’s always yellin’ at mummy Sue tho’ – she says mummy Sue should be getting me all hexcited about fetchin’ an’ playin’ an’ whatnot. I let mummy Sue take the flak – I’s busy showing the border collies how to chill out…..

So tonight I put on a virtuoso performance, even tho’ I says so meself. We had to do ‘walk to heel’ – now I could do this perfectly but I’d much rather trail behind mummy Sue an’ make like I have such a hard life and I’s likely to collapse from hexhaustion any second. The boss lady made mummy Sue walk fast, run round, walk slow but I just kept on plodding and looking dumb – see how clever I am. In the end the boss lady said I woz retired so it was ok for me to trail behind a leetle bit!

Then we had to do recall – now I could do this perfectly but I’s got some cunning plans:

  • first I doesn’t wait but I follows mummy Sue, then mummy Sue gets told off for not ‘commanding’ me right
  • then I doesn’t wait but wander off to me bed, then mummy Sue gets told off for bringing me out of a night when I’s so tired I reely should be catching up on me beauty sleeps
  • then I’s done sit (not a lot of greyhounds can do that) and mummy Sue and the boss lady looked reely happy so I decided I needed a lie down as a reward. I woz qwuite comfy so I flopped right over and  done me best ‘dead dog’ impression.

Mummy Sue sed “wait” – I ignored her and kept laying down where I woz so she sed “Good wait” – fair enuff! Then she wandered off down the hall so I keeps laying there; then she sez “Lynx come” and I keeps laying there; then she does this little caper like a dance but more despirate and I keeps laying there; the mummy Sue starts running backwards so I lifts my ear but basically keeps laying there. The boss lady told mummy Sue she should let me rest in the day before coming to class – har har, she didn’t know that I’d bin fast asleep on me favrit duvet all day. Then all the other people gave me lots of sympafy coz I could hear them saying ‘poor Lynx he did hurt his lung” – so I just keep laying there for a bit longer (tho me lung is better reelly). Mummy Sue woz laughing so hard I think the boss lady thought she might have an haccident so the boss lady came over and prodded me wif her toe and sed “come on Lynx,you lazy old thing”. So I put on me best ‘put upon’ look and got up and went towards mummy Sue, tho I did stop halfway to contemplate runnin’ back to my sheepskin instead, but I saw that mummy Sue had some liver cake so I thought it was worth the effort to go back to her….

After that the boss lady said “right we’ll do some advanced work, but what can Lynx do?” I half-lifted my head in a pafetic sort of way then I laid down flat and sighed, like breathing woz the hardest thing I could be asked to do this evenin’. So the boss lady gave up on me and I finally got to lie on my sheepskin and have a snooze. There woz all commotion going on around me – border collies flying here, there an’ everywhere doing ‘retrieve’ and ‘scent’ and all the daft stuff collies do to keep humans happy.

I shut me eyes and caught a few zzzzzzzzzzz’s – every now an’ then I’d crack open an eyelid and look at mummy Sue – she looked very happy wif me and I didn’t have to do nuffink – how clever am I? 😀

7 Responses to “Dog Blog: Lynx’s Diary”

  1. Lesley Kimantas said

    Lynx
    It must be worth dragging yourself to these silly evenings just to see Mummy Sue so humiliated -the socialising must be good though – that’s if you can be troubled with other dogs of course. Floyd went when he was tiny, well actually he was never ‘tiny’, more like a Christmas pudding on legs really, and he managed to wee in the middle of the hall, red faced or what. The end came when I persuaded Joe to accompany me and bring Fletcher so both dogs could be trained – men don’t take being shouted at by middle aged female dog trainers though so that was the end of that activity. So we have resorted to the Cesar Milan school of training, simples. recall is a bit hit and miss, heel is OK but WAIT!!! works a treat.
    Lesley
    (Thinks, am I still in a ‘balanced’ state writing to a dog? Maybe not…)

  2. indigodream said

    Ah Lesley, so true, this is why Richard takes Ty to classes – Ty’s very ‘simples’ so the middle-aged female dog trainer takes pity on them both and doesn’t shout at them quite so much! Because Lynx could do better if he could be bothered the trainer is always yelling at me!

    Don’t worry about writing to a dog – you know you want to – as do many other people – Lynx’s diary is easily the most popular part of the blog!

  3. Graham and Jill said

    I don’t know about Lynx giving it zzzzzzzzzzs. Reading your (that’s you, Richard and the hounds) activities is exhausting me. How do you fit it all in; let alone writing about it as well? I’m glad you do though and it’s the best antidote for my insomnia. Ah. That hasn’t come out right. You paint such a wonderfully visual picture – I can just see Lynx zzzzzing on his sheepskin whilst you jump up and down – they sooo have us all sussed.
    Lesley hasn’t been in a ‘balanced’ state for years – but don’t tell her I said so. Jill

  4. mickeys dad said

    Lynx
    what you could try next time is what our first Grey Sam did when we took him to training the first time but you have to be a bit smart which you are, he developed in no time of walk around in a circle a very bad limp on a front leg so we took him to one side and sat down for a while, after a rest we tried again but again the bad limp was still there but someone noticed that this time it was the other front leg, we took him outside and he was perfectly ok.

  5. indigodream said

    Hey Mickey’s dad – good to hear from you – we’re in your end of Wles this weekend but we have so many relatives to pack in that we won’t have time to visit – shame – would be great too see you all.

    Hope the pack is well.

  6. indigodream said

    Hi Jill, great to hear from you -every comment I leave on your blog disappears into the ethr – I have this dread that they’ll all turn up in your in-box one day – like all of our Christmas post arriving about a fornight after the snow disappeared!

    I won’t tell Lesley about her mental balance if you don’t 😀

  7. mickeys dad said

    I think you may need a boat in West Wales to get around this weekend it is very wet and windy.
    Sadly our pack is down to two as we lost Cass at the start of December.

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