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Archive for February 24th, 2011

Dog Blog: Lynx’s Diary

Posted by indigodream on 24 February, 2011

Sunday 20th February

We’ mainly had a borin’ week coz Mummy Sue’s car had to go in to the car vet and she borrowed anuver one. I don’t like the borrowed one – it woz too little for us greyhounds, so we could only go out one at a time and we wozn’t allowed to get muddy.

So we woz stuck at home wif only our food, an toys, an’ duvets, the enormous garden, an’ the sqwirrels, an’ foxes, an’ the bucket of smelly rotten pond weed/heron poo wot is my favrit smell in all the world.

Now, wot is it wif humans – why doesn’t they like the smell of rotten pond weed/heron poo? I’s bringing it indoors – I says to Mummy Sue “is the new fox poo, you could make millions selling it as air freshener, coz now the house duzn’t smell of dog anymore”. Huh, I woz carried into the bathroom and I’s had a baf, nooooooo…….

Then the day after I brought more smell indoors and had anuver baf….

then the day after that…

and the day after that….

I fink mummy Sue is starting to crack – last time she didn’t give me a baf, she just wiped my neck wif a wet cloth so that’s a bit himprovement.

Mummy Sue cooked a hooge joint of beef on sunday – oooooh it smelled so good. We gots lots of leftovers, tho we had to share wif mummy Sue’s friend Greygal. Greygal’s got SIX greyhounds but they wozn’t there on Sunday – woz a shame, would have given me some nice new bottoms to sniff. We gots top-quality fusses tho – it takes an hexperienced ear rubber to find just the right spot….. Greygal took a ‘doggie bag’ of leftovers for her hounds – huh? Mummy Sue, wot about US…..

Monday 21st February

We’s had some bad news – mummy Sue sez we can’t go to Poland coz we’s failed our test. I duzn’t believe it – failed our french test? But I’s so good; maybe Ty should have learnt more than just the word for sausage…….

Mummy Sue sez I’s a silly sausage – we’s failed our blood test – the rabies vaccine didn’t work. The chances of all 3 of us failing the test is 0.01% – we’s medical miracles! The vet sez maybe we’s got lazy immune systems. “Typical” sez mummy Sue….. I reckon someone has messed up.

Tuesday 22nd February

I’s gotta whisper this coz I’s got a bit of a hembarrassing problem, I’s just gotta wee at night when mummy Sue is fast asleep in bed. I’s can’t help it and is only a tile floor an’ mummy Sue’s pretty nifty wif a mop at 3am. But she sed I had to see the vet – oh no, I hope it’s not vampire blondie – maybe she won’t fancy me if she finks me bladder’s no good. But was ok, it was a locum, she give me big pink antibiotics to take and asked mummy Sue to bring in a urine sample…..

I woz just settlin’ down to a nice evenin’s snooze after the vet when Daddy Richard sed I had to go to dog trainin’ class. “But Ty does Tuesday’s” I sez, but Ty’s got a bad leg so I had to go instead. It woz awful – there woz lots of henthusiastic dogs there and it was agility. I doesn’t like agility – is worse than normal class, as least I gets to lie down in normal class. There woz big dogs leaping over little jumps – huh, they got no dignity – clever dogs like me walk around them or walk over them. No need for this leaping when the jumps are 6 inches and your legs are 18 inches! It woz seriously borin’ so in the end I had to show everyone how agile I woz by runnin’ out the door – daddy Richard woz not impressed – there’s no pleasin’ some humans….

Wednesday 23rd February

When the vet sed she needed a urine sample I thought she meant from mummy Sue, but no, she meant mine. So early this morning daddy Richard opened the door for me to go out – he had a sample pot in his hand….

“nu-huh” I sed “I won’t go out just now fanks”

Then mummy Sue got out and opened the door for me – she had the sample pot in her hand

“nu-huh” I sed “I’ll just stay in here…”

“sqwirrel” she sed, so I runs out all hexcited but there wozn’t a sqwuirrel at all, it was a evil ruse to get me into the garden. I had to be devious – she’s after me wee – it’s precious stuff! So I charged round reelly fast so that mummy Sue couldn’t catch me for a sample; then she stood by my favrit weeing tree, but I see’d her and sed “nu-huh I don’t fink I’ll go there today”; then she hid behind the garden wall and sneaked out quick to get a sample when I wozn’t looking. Ha, she didn’t get much – I stopped straight away – that pot looked very suspicious to me….

Mummy Sue’s bin qwite busy taking us all to the vet this week – today it woz Lou and Ty’s turn. Lou went to see the physio – Lou loves the physio – she gets liver cake as a big treet just for touching her nose to her bottom. Mummy Sue woz so excited – Lou couldn’t touch her nose to her shoulder a few munfs ago. Lou is full of beans – she’s all happy an’ lively and, oh course, she been doin’ noisy farts and, now that she can turn round,  looking at her bottom in amazement!

Ty had to go to see the vet for his bad leg – he did have a hinfection in his hock – is much better but Ty is still being a big wuss boy and is limpin’ when he finks mummy Sue is watchin’. Ty going for the big sympfay vote coz he’s got a baldy bum too – is good coz it’s not his thyroid and is not mange, so now he’s got special oils to add to his food – sounds nice – “what’s that? mummy Sue, wot do you mean I’s not allowed to nick the oil off Ty’s food?” – huh – is no fun at all.

Then in the hevenin’ blondie vet rang mummy Sue to say that I had “perfect urine” – is fine on every possible level – mummy Sue thought blondie woz a bit over the top reeely but that’s love for you. Blondie the vet fancies me rotten – she’s always givin’ me big fusses and she loves every bit of me, even me wee! Bit hembarrassing reely – I’s devoted to my mummy Sue….

Thursday 24th February

Ooooh, I’s all a bit sad and confoosed this hevening – I’s an only dog!

We’s goin’ boating tomorrow so Mummy Sue sed that Ty could stay wif Nanny Renia coz he’s a big scaredy wuss boy wot would be too terrified to wee in London. Me an’ Lou woz goin’ boatin’ coz we’s tarty hounds wots loves fuss from strangers on the towpath. It sounded good coz Lou’s such a good fuss-detector and she knows the best people to go to for an ear rub. But I’s got to go all by myself now.

When we got to Nanny Renia’s, nanny sed ” I think Lou should stay here, Lou wants to stay here; she’s so comfy, she doesn’t want to come on the boat” – well, Mummy Sue woz s’prised – Lou an Ty just lay down on nanny Renia’s best carpet and sed they didn’t want to come home! I stuck wif mummy Sue and gave her big cuddles coz she looked sad to leave Ty AND Lou behind. Then I woz sad coz I woz worried that maybe nanny Renia didn’t like me, coz she didn’t say that I should stay. But Mummy Sue sez that everybody likes me and that I’m coming on the boat because I’s the best boy ever.

I woz a bit lonely and out of sorts when I got home, but then I saw that there were hadvantages to being an only dog. Mummy Sue bought 3 hot chikkins today – one for us for lunch, half of one for Ty on his holiday wif nanny Renia and one and a half for me and Lou on the boat. Well, have you got it yet? Coz mummy Sue didn’t expect to leave Lou at Nanny Renia’s house, I got one and a half chikkins ALL TO MYSELF! And I got all the leftovers after supper – they sez it’s ‘good to share’ – noooo, I don’t think so…..

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