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Archive for March 15th, 2011

Dog Blog: Lynx’s Diary

Posted by indigodream on 15 March, 2011

Sunday 13th March

Mummy Sue reckons this is the best olympic photo yet!

Do you know wot – I fink that mummy Sue fink’s that I’s maybe ritin’ too much but the fing is, stuff keeps happ’nin’ so I’d need to puts in in me diary so’s that I can remember it when I’m an old hound and needs to heducate uvver hounds on how to have hadventures!

Anyhoo, I’s had a busy week – I’ s been restin’ an’ snoozin’ an’ sleepin’ an’ SUNBATHING – I loves the sun – its all toatie on me belly. I’ss also bin lookin’ after mummy Sue – well, I’s bin lookin’ at her mainly just in case I miss a hadventure.

Me an’ Lou an’ Ty bin to the vet this week. Ty has to go to the vet by himself coz it’s in Pets at Home – they have live wabbits by the door, BY THE DOOR, LIVE WABBITS, MUMMY SUE, MUMMY SUE THERE’S LIVE WABBITS, IN PETS AT HOME….” For sum reason she duzn’t take me any more! She woz goin’ to take Lou, becoz Lou’s is Miss March on the Greyhounhomer calendar wot is hanging up on the vet’s reception at Pets at Home. Lou is famus and likes to grace her fans wif a visit, ‘cept Lou is always naggin’ mummy Sue to buy her a live wabbit. Mummy Sue sez that putting the wabbits by the till is panderin’ to pester power!

So Ty went to the vet by himself – he’s so scared he duzn’t even notice the wabbits – I knew he wozn’t a proper dog! When mummy Sue came home she woz sayin’ ‘poor poor Ty’ coz he’s got a bad leg wot isn’t getting better, she sez he needs a CAT.

“Lucky Ty” sez I, “we all needs a cat to chase – we’s all feeled much better for chasin’ a cat” – mummy Sue sez I’s silly – Ty needs a CAT scan.

Me an’ Lou’s vet duzn’t have wabbits – is very very boring. I didn’t even see my favrit Blondie – we had to see the big boss vets wot looks after Lou coz she is such a medical marvel. The vet prodded Lou an’ she woz yelping an’ complainin’ so I’s hid behind mummy Sue. When it woz my turn I sed “no, s’ok, I’s just fine, I woz only pretendin’ to limp reelly” – but the sneeky vet sneeked round mummy Sue an’ got me. He prodded and poked, he’s not as nice as Blondie the vet, wot gives me a big fuss an sez “good boy”. Woz ok tho, coz I’s got a proper manly dog hinjury – I’s strained my biceps doing manly dog fings round the garden. I’s got to rest – at last! Lou’s jus’ bein’ a big fairy but she has got arfritis in her back so maybe she duz sometimes have the odd twinge.

I's doin' lookin' - there's cats an' allsorts in them gardens....

I’s got a big dilemma now – I’s need to take BIG anti-inf-lam-atorory tablets wot mummy Sue glues to a slice of ham wif a bit of creem cheeze then wraps it up into a roll for me to eat. Now Ty an’ Lou got to take tablets too an’ they just gobble their little ham ‘n creem cheeze parcels, no questions asked. But I’s a superior intelligence to I know there’s tablets in the parcels so on principle I should say ‘no’, but I loves ham ‘n creem cheeze. Spit or swallow – is an old dilemma – har har har………….sorry mummy Sue.

The vet sez that we’s all prob’ly medical marvels on account of the rabies vaccine not workin’, but just in case he’s sorted it for mummy Sue to take us back for more injections, WOT? The vet sez it he’s fixed it good so that we can get our passports wifout payin’ any more. Mummy Sue sez he’s a star – I finks he’s a needle mad maniac wif vampire tendencies coz he’s goin to give us TWO injections and take our blood! Mummy Sue sez we’ll have our passports for Christmas. Duz I want a passport for Christmas? I’d rather have a roast turkey and a bag of pigs ears!

We’s bin on the boat again this weekend – Ty stayed wif nanny Renia again coz he’s a big scaredy wuss boy – I thought Lou woz goin’ to stay there too but mummy Sue sed “Lou’s got to come an’ keep Lynx company” – mummy Sue loves me!

We’s dun cruisin’ wif some friends wot are not dog people – WOT? Woz ok tho’ – as long as I’s got mummy Sue doin’ me biddin’ it’ll be ok. We dun cruisin’ and’ lookin’ an’ walking’ and lyin’ on our sheepskins in the pub. We didn’t do posin’ for photos – we duzn’t do posing! Lou woz very pop’lar – ev’rywhere we goes people is pointin’ an’ saying “…..amazin’, bootiful, just like a tiger” – one man sed she must be crossed wif a tiger – that explains why she’s so feroshus! When she woz on the path she woz a right tart and pranced round flashin’ her beautiful brindle – it glows in the sunshine so she looks like one of them l’oreal girls wot flashes their shiny hair on the telly.

Lou's lovverly brindle face....

Everyone woz pointin’ and grinnin’ so Lou went up to them an’ said “Give me a fuss puny hoomans!” then she chased a pigeon all feroshus so they knew wot would happen if they didn’t do wot she told them to.

Richard tied us to the olympic railin’s and tried to get us to pose for a photo – we dudzn’t do posing, well, not unless there’s a sausage in it for us. He accidentally got a good photo then we woz careful to put our heads all over the place, then a hu-woman helped us by walking in front of the camera just when we’d posed prop’ly – har har har!!!

We’s had a little wander at the locks – I woz lookin’ our for rats so I’s could show them who woz boss, but mummy Sue sez maybe Brennan’s scared them all away coz he woz so butch!

When we got back, all the hoomans got inside the boat – Lou woz on the sofa, of course! Then mummy Sue sed “hop, do you want to sit here” – oh, course, she woz talkin’ to ME but Gil thought mummy Sue woz talkin’ to HER so she sat down qiock as a flash and sat on MY sofa! She left me a tiny tiny space wot I had to squash into – I’s riskin’ life an’ limb coz I had to use Lou as a pillow. Woz all ok in the end – Gil tickled me ears an’ mumm Sue tickled Lou’s ears so that she didn’t notice me head on her rump!

Me an’ Lou woz lookin all day so we woz hexausted and lay straight down on our sheepskins when we got to the pub. Mummy Sue always carries our beds to the pub coz the pub’s got a hard floor and we’s got to be comfy. But do you know wot, there woz people in the pub wot woz larfin’ at us – I woz all curled up an’ tryin’ to get some kip and people woz pointin and larfin’ – cheek! Mummy Sue sez they’re only jellus. We did gets a bit of sympafy from someone who liked Lou’s tiger brindle and thought that we had soft beds coz we woz so delicate and might rub our fur off on a hard floor. Mummy Sue told them we woz just big wusses – honest, who’s side is she on? Maybe she’s on our side reely coz she got us a hot beef bap and soaked it in stew gravy – woz luvverly but it woz a shame I had to share wif Lou – I coulds have eaten one, two or maybe three all by myself.

Now, for the doggie 'lympic synchronised looking (pairs) should Lou team up wif me or wif Ranger??

When all the humans got as sleepy as us, we’s got in the car to go home. Oh no, the non-doggy people woz comin’ wif us – in our seats! Me an Lou got bundled into the boot – we only had two blankets, two sheepskins and three pillows to lie-on – woz disgraceful but we woz too hexausted to complain so we slept all the way home – then we run inside and slept all night and all day on our proper duvets.

On Sunday we’s went to get Ty – he didn’t want to come home! He didn’t look happy to see us at all, then he ran upstairs to hide! He’s had a luvverly time wif nanny Renia, an’ nanny Renia’s had a luvverly time wif him. She sez he’s the perfec’ hound! Mummy Sue hinsisted that he came home – he didn’t want to but when he got back he woz pleezed to see his duvets and’ his special upstairs bed and his fluffy banket by mummy Sue’s bed an’ his food bowl, an the box of pig’s ears.

He wozn’t home for long – on Monday mummy Sue had to do proper work again so we had to work as well – protectin’ nanny Renia from sqwirrels, again! I thought I’d sorted this wif mummy Sue last week – we Is retired after all. But she sez that times is hard and that we can’t retire on account of a shortfall in our pension hinvestments so we’s got to work part time to make ends meat! Oh allright then – is not fair but I does love meat!

Me olympic album….

I dunno – which is me best side? Wot do you fink?

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I's can do me lock-keeper job lyin' down - I's not restin' I just get a better view of the boat's line from here - looks good, Richard....

Now I's can have a rest - boat safely in and ready to go... mind you can't relax too much, ypou cannever tell how much they forget over winter.

Oooh nooo, there's a human on my sofa - I's got to use Lou as a pillow - oooh noooo!

I s'pose hoomans have their uses.....

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