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Dog Blog: Lynx’s Diary

Posted by indigodream on 5 April, 2011

Tuesday 5th April

I’s had brilliant news this week – mummy Sue is NOT getting a proper job – see, I knew her ritin woz atroshus! She woz lookin’ a bit sad but she still gave us sardeens for our breakfast – she woz opening the tins all careful when all of a sudden they sprung up an’ sprayed her all over wif fishy oil.I fink she smelled lushus – she likes her clothes to smell of lavender but I loves her better when she smells of fish! I’s dun weeing on the proper lavender by the front door so that smells better too…..

So me life is all good – mummy Sue smells of sardeens an’ she’s stayin’ at home to look after us prop’ly. She sez “what about my self-esteem” – I told she duzn’t need self-esteem – she’s got ME 🙂

I’s not bin to the vet all week, tho I’s a bit stiff so Mummy Sue’s givin’ me a vet look. S’ok tho’, Ty’s keeping the vet’s bizzy tho I woz a bit sad coz he didn’t need a CAT – well not yet anyways. I finks we would all feel better for having a CAT. Mummy Sue woz sighing – she sez I duzn’t unnerstand the different between a CAT an’ a CAT scan! She’s daft – I knows what a cat is, an’ a wabbit, an a guinea pig….

Ty’s a bit mystified coz his vet had a big poster about doggie poison – eeek! Ty made sure that mummy Sue looked at it so she could look after us prop’ly but then, BUT THEN, guess wot, the poster sed “PUT YOUR LEFTOVERS IN THE BIN NOT IN THE DOG” – WOT?  Ty woz well worried – wot if mummy Sue stopped givin’ us leftovers? He woz quick tho’ – he gave mummy Sue a big cuddle so she didn’t read the poster right to the end – good work Ty, you’s the best.

We woz very very tired after our boaty sleepover – we slept for 2 days solid and mummy Sue boiled us lamb mince to get our strength back – lamb duzn’t smell as good as tripe but it’ll do…

Lou’s bin all hup and down – she’s had the dire rear so we’s been helpin her to eat her food but she’s not that ill coz she still eats treets! When Lou woz a bit better, Mummy Sue gave us all a jumbone – little ones like wot silly ratty dogs eat – Lou scoffed hers but I wozn’t eatin mine – I’s a proper big dog. So Lou stood over me and barked and barked and barked so mummy Sue gave Lou MY jumbone – WOT! Well, I gives mummy Sue me best hurt look so she got me anuvver jumbone – oh course, I didn’t actooally want to eat it, I just wanted to look at it. So Lou stood over me and barked and barked and barked for a whole half hour – but mummy Sue sed she couldn’t have anuvver one. In the end I’s had to move to the garden for sum peace ‘n quiet an’ quick as a flash Lou woz in an eatin’ her third jumbone. Mummy Sue sighed but she finks it’s ok coz three tiny jumbones is prob’ly the same as one big one which is wot she should have bought us anyway – we’s proper dogs!

Talkin’ o’ treets, we’s bin tripe deprived so mummy Sue bought us a bag of tripe sticks – she took them into the garden so we followed her quick; she opened the bag and shared it out then she ran indoors and locked us out in the garden wif the tripe! She sez that even tripe sticks isn’t allowed inside. We wozn’t bovvered, even when we heard her ringin’ the henvironment agency to warn of a flood risk from all the slobbering we woz doin’!

We’s bin boating this weekend but it wozn’t no fun wifout our houndie friends – Ty woz a scaredy wuss jelly boy an’ Lou woz grumpy an’ I woz quiet – I jus’ laid on deck – I didn’t do lookin’ – I’s dun lookin’ in London – we needs a change in scenery mummy Sue! Mummy Sue’s very wurried about Ty bein’ such a scaredy boy – she’s got speshal tablets for him, and she’s got him a new snuggly boat bed so he can hide and she’s goin’ to get him a new harness so she can keep hold of him when he gets in  a panic. Huh, I’s a good boy and I’s not scared but’ wot do I gets – just chikkin and treets and a sheepskin on deck an’ one on the sofa – is not fair!

Lynx’s food review….

I’s thinkin’ that I’s should hexpand me ritin’ into food reviews – after all, I luves food, and I knows that me houndie friends do too. So I’s got a duty to make sure that our hu-mums get us the best stuff.

I’s startin’ wif hot chikkins….

In order of bestest for hounds to worstest for hounds…

1. Sainsbury’s – they is pretty juicy an’ sumtimes they’s hextra tasty and their BIG chikkens are the biggest – like almost two whole mouthfuls!

2. Waitrose – yummmmmm, sooo juicy, soo suckulent, mmmmmmmmmmmm, taysteee……….sorry, where woz I? They’s could have the top spot for lushusness, but their big chikkins is only little and I has to share wif two others so is no joke!

3. Tesco – is gen’rally over cooked and not so suckulenet but they is a good size

4. Mummy Sue’s home-cooked chikkin – yummmm – perfickly cooked but I’s can’t give it top spot cos daddy Richard eats it all himself – that’s not right!

We’s had sum Tesco cold chikkin slices too – they woz luvverly – thick meaty slices and surprisingly suckulent – will do if there’s no hot chikkin counter.

Oh course, any hot chikkin is better than no chikkin at all but if you is a clever houndie like wot I is, then you’s will use your hypno-powers to make hu-mum buy you the bestest……

2 Responses to “Dog Blog: Lynx’s Diary”

  1. Carrie said

    Poor Ty, being described as a ‘scaredy wuss jelly boy’! (though it did make me laugh).
    Sorry about the job Sue. Looks like you’ve got your hands full with those darlings anyway – who has time for work?!!

  2. indigodream said

    I know, Lynx did tell me that Ty would develop a complex if I carried on using such demeaning titles, but really, it’s not a title, it’s an accurate description 🙂

    Am not heartbroken about the job (was full time!) but I failed the writing test and I hate to fail! I learnt a lot though so hopefully will pass the next (if offered a next)…..

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