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Dog Blog: Lynx’s Diary

Posted by indigodream on 21 April, 2011

Thursday 21st April

Mummy Sue sez "wot a mess" but I fink Lous got her bed sorted just perfect...

Oooh I’s bin too hexhausted to write me diary – I’s bin very busy coz mummy Sue made me try my good citizen’s silver award in dog trainin’. I woz hopin’ that I’d be hexempt coz of me bad back, but mummy Sue decided I woz better coz I woz jumpin’ over the garden wall again. I passed the test, o’ course, but I woz a bit hembarrassed coz mummy Sue had to answer lots of questions about how to look after doggies and I didn’t fink she’d dun enuff swotting. Mummy Sue couldn’t believe I passed, on account of me sleepin’ through all of the classes, but I’s just got a diff’rent learning style – collies learn by doing, I learns by fallin’ asleep quick so that me brain can take stuff in – like hypnosis and I’s got amazin’ hypno powers.

The test took ages coz we Silver awards had to do road walks and stuff first, but then we had to wait and wait and wait while the pesky beginners did their bronze tests – I woz well bored and a bit tired so I laid on me bed and had a little kip. Mummy Sue kept tryin’ to cheat coz she thought the examiner should give me a pass straight away when a little dog wot looked just like a wabbit was pawin’ at me face and I DIDN’T EAT IT! The examiner was so rude – she woz waftin’ her hands about going “phwoar who’s making that horrible smell” – I’s just laid there fast asleep an’ mummy Sue kept quiet, but then the examiner stared at my bottom and sed “ugh it’s YOU Lynx – but you’re asleep” – mummy Sue had to explain that I’s so talented I can make bottom smells even when I’s fast asleep! Mummy Sue tried to persuade the examiner to give me my rosette there and then so she could take me smells away. But I thought that the luvverly smells from me bottom woz calming down all the beginners so I’s had a duty to stay. The hexaminer was rude the whole night long – she sed “can you bovvered to get up for the test then Lynx” then when I woz havin’ a luvverly photo wif me rosette she sez “hurry up I’m bein’ gassed here”. Huh, I turned my nose up and hignored her – even when she woz waving a chocolate chewy bar under me nose! You know wot, I duzn’t fink that the examiner happreciates the finer points of livin’ wif greyhounds.

Mummy Sue is so proud – I’s bin here 9 munfs and I’s got four rosettes, two certificates and one silver cup – I’s a superstar, but mummy Sue sez I musn’t get too big-headed – she’s so silly, I’s not got a big head, my head’s slim and handsum.

When it comes to locks Is best suited to a management role....

We dun boatin’ wif Ty at the weekend. I’s qwite like boating ‘specially now we’s in the country – I’s can relax an’ have little sleep in the sun and sumtimes I’s can have a little sleep on the towpath. Now we’s out of London I duzn’t have to do so much olympic lookin’, though mummy Sue sez we’ll have to get back in training ‘ventually. Sumtimes me an’ Lou has a rummage, but  we’d rather be sleepin’ reelly. Poor ol’ Ty is still a big wuss jelly boy – he duzn’t like boatin’ or anyfink that isn’t loafing around at home. Mummy Sue and daddy Richard tried practising ‘Ty COME’ on the towpath coz it woz nice an quiet – but Ty’s not so good as me – he ran past mummy Sue, so she ran the uvver way – wot a good game – we’s all run after her at top speed but me an’ Lou stopped and Ty ran on. Mummy Sue woz frantic but then Ty worked out that it woz more scary bein’ away from mummy Sue than wif her so he come back – phew!

I thought that if I passed my test then I could finish goin’ to classes but oh no, mummy Sue got that glint in her eye and sed “You’re such a clever boy we should go for gold” – aaaawwww! Then she sez “We should take Ty back to classes too” – double aaawwwww! I reckons my new friend Fudge got it dead right here –

Lou’s bin a bit grumpy this week – she’s a bit poorly an’ she’s bin to the vet lots – Lou duz the best LOUDEST greyhound death screams – the vet woz prodding her sore kidneys and she told him hexactly wot she thought about that, wif extra teef – lucky that mummy Sue woz holdin’ Lou’s head! Ev’ryone in the waitin’ room heard the racket, well, probably ev’ryone in the whole high street heard it – Lou gots lots of sympafy so it was well worth makin’ a hooge drama over it. Mummy Sue sez she’s broke – no, not Lou, mummy Sue’s bank account! Anyhoo, me an’ Ty has learnt a new fing – if you steps on Lou you is in BIG trouble but if Lou steps on you then you’s just gotta take it coz that’s Lou’s rules – she’s top dog!

See, Is such a good citizen I even let ducks walk all over the boat....

So that’s me week – now, wot do you fink about Spring – I mean, is nice in the sun and all, but these bumble bees wot is as big and hairy as mice keeps buzzing in the house and distrubin’ me sleep; and I needs my sleeps, ‘specialy this week, coz I’s got lots of houndie friends comin’ for a cruise this weekend…..

Lynx’s guide to milk and cream….

I likes milk and cream – I sumtimes gets milk for breakfast and we all gets to pots of cream to lick out when mummy Sue’s finished pourin’ most of it over her puddin’.

Anyhoo, I likes semi-skimmed milk but full fat is nicer, and I prefers ordinary double cream to extra-thick double cream coz it’s easier to lap up from me bowl. But I’s had the best today – leftover Jersey milk – woz lushus. Then I licked out a pot of clotted cream – woz a bit rich for me but Ty sez it’s the bestest cream ever –  he finished his pot off, then he nicked mine, then he looked at Lou’s – uh oh, BAD idea – Lou give him a look so he went back to bed like he never wanted her cream anyway.

Mummy Sue sez that when she woz little she lived on a farm with four Jersey cows and had lushus fresh milk ev’ry day. I fink we should have a cow – we’s got a field. I’d qwite like to keep chikkins as well – is very fashionable. Mummy Sue sed “NO” – she duzn’t trust me not eat cows and chikkins – d’oh, that’s what they’re for mummy Sue…..

Me and Lou ignoring the ducks - wes both good citizens......sumtimes!

"It woznt us" - the ducks are gone but wes lying in hexactly the same place - see!

Locks has a good design - see, theres nice soft grass for me to lie on while Im soopervising...

Mummy Sue sez I reaaly knows how to drape meself on a duvet - of course, Is expert on lying down!

2 Responses to “Dog Blog: Lynx’s Diary”

  1. Lorna said

    my Mummy Lorna (Artymess) sez I should take a leaf out of your book and not chase ducks or other furry critters ….but even tho’ I’m 13 I can’t help myself …I think you did a brilliant job winning all those rosettes and a silver cup ….I have only ever won a third rosette and there waz only 3 in the class but Mummy Lorna waz pleased with me and gave me loads of treats …..have a sleepy Easter ..Gracie and Stitch (although Stitch is still in his bed he is a sleepy one like you )

  2. indigodream said

    Deer Gracie and Stitch – to be honest, mummy Sue sed we woz so well behaved she thought we might be sickening for sunfink…..

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