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Dog Blog: Lynx’s Diary

Posted by indigodream on 10 December, 2011

Sunday 13th November

You has to lie just so on your mem'ry bed so it 'members you prop'ly...

Well, so much for mummy Sue doin’ me typin – I can’t believe it’s almost been a whole munf since me last diary – and I has had a bizzy time wif lots of hexcitement – I’s bin framed for a crime I didn’ts commit, I’s been teachin’ me new beds to remember me, I’s bin to the vet (lots) and I’s bin to see me Aunty Pat at Greyhoundhomer and I’s bin scared by feroshus pumpkin hounds and I’s bin watchin’ pretty fizzy lights in the sky.

I’s also had sleepova wif me pals Henry an’ Archie’ an’ Monty an’ Big Sid and a tot’ly new friend Herbie, wot is Auntie Sarah’s new dog wot has only had a forever sofa for 2 weeks but I’ll rite about that next time……

Anyway, is important to start by clearin’ me name – I’s totally did not bite Ty – I’s had me mouf open an’ he ran into me teef – honest – I wouldn’t never ever ever bite me mate Ty – an’ anyway it woz MY tennis ball. Mummy Sue sez I is a vandal and she is takin’ the vet bill out of my pocket money – d’oh mummy Sue, you duzn’t give me any pocket money and you can’t take away me treets coz I woulds starve, anyway it was a haccident, no, actooally it woz totally Ty’s fault for runnin’ into me mouf….

I woz feelin’ a bit sorry for meself coz I woz well behind in the sympafy stakes wot wif Ty bein’ pafetic about his self-inflicted bites so I’s did a bit of coffin’ – but is no good doin’ “coff coff” – for proper sympafy yous got to do “coff coff aargh coff yeuch gragh graaaaghhhh coff…….coff………coff………brlarghhhh” – trubble woz, Lou copied me coffin’ and we both ended up at the vet. The boss vet sez we’s got a little virus or maybe it woz dust hallergy coz mummy Sue did hooverin’ – I sed she should never do hooverin’ – is bad for me fizzical and mental health. Then I’s got all lame and I woz stickin’ me elbow out an’ hobblin’ – Blondie the vet sez I’s hurt me leg and me back – ow ow ow. Lucky for me that we wents to see Auntie Pat and Uncle Dick from Greyhoundhomer coz Uncle Dick duz the best massages, like wot he duz for the hounds wot is still racin’ – “ooooohhh, aaaaaaaah, that’s the spot, just a bit more, uuuuuuuhm”…

Uh Lou, you is s'posed to lie ON your new bed....

Wif me an’ Ty bein’ pafetic, mummy Sue got all soppy and bought us all luvverly new beds made of memory foam – she sed they is orfopedic for Lou’s joints. They is clever beds coz they remembers who has done lyin’ on them and gets all comfy round you wen you comes back. So I’s had to get bizzy lying on ev’ry bed – I lay on my bed and sed “I is Lynx – and I wants you to remember that this is MY bed and this is how I likes to snuggle…..” then I lay on Ty’s bed and sed “I is Lynx – and I wants you to remember that this is MY bed and this is how I likes to snuggle…..” then I lay on Lou’s bed but she see’d me so I sed “uh, maybe you’d better just remember that this is Lou’s bed and she is THE top lady dog”.

See, we needs our new beds an' our pillows an' our food right by our noses....

But I has a BIG complaint coz our new beds has got bones on – but they isn’t real bones, they is picture of bones so wen you tries to eats them they just tastes of fluff – yuck

I woz wurried becoz Mummy Sue sed our new beds woz instead of our smelly old pillows an’ duvets, but we has convinced her that we needs mem’ry foam beds and our old beds coz we’s would hurt our necks if we didn’t have proper pillows for our heds….

I’s just about got over me coff wen it woz halloween – mummy Sue and Daddy Richard carved feroshus hound faces into pumpkins – I thought they mights come alive and move in wif us but they woz locked outside so that woz ok. But then I is worried coz I gots to see Blondie the bloodsucker – the vampire vet wot takes me blood – aaaaaaargh! She didn’t take me blood but she scraped me skin an’ ev’ryone knows you can use scrapin’s for voodoo magic. But it woz worse than that – Blondie sez I mights have got mange off foxes and I’s had to have smelly drops wot makes my luvverly shiny fur all dull. Mummy Sue woz hembarrassed coz she’s had to tell all me friends I has mange – ‘cept I hasn’t reelly coz Blondie sed me tests woz negative so that’s ok…

Now, duz you ‘member how scared big scaredy wuss jellyboy Ty woz wif the fizz bangs last year? Well, mummy Sue woz so happy she woz leekin’ coz this year Ty woz reelly brave and wozn’t a jellyboy at all wen all the fizz bangs woz goin’ off. O’ course, Lou slept through the whole commotion and I wents outside so I’s could watch the pretty fizzy stars –

Mummy Sue sed “aren’t you a brave boy – see the lovely colours”…

“D’oh mummy Sue” I sed ” I’s can’t see colours, I’m a dog……….oh, uh, no I didn’t mean an actual DOG, likes wot eats dog food…….”

Ty woz scared of his new bed like he is scared of all new fings....

Ty will work his new bed out 'ventooally....

Feroshus hound pumpkins an' a cat pumpkin in the middle an' a demon at the end - eeeek!

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