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Archive for October 8th, 2013

Dog Blog: Archie Beanz Secret Dossiers…

Posted by indigodream on 8 October, 2013

The name’s Beanz, Archie Beanz, here to keep the nation safe from terrorists – like ducks…..

Secret Dossier # 5 – recognising the enemy…

"They look well dodgy Archie" "Sigh...no, Step-mummy Suem they're good guys in disguise - it is  a good disguise though...."

“They look well dodgy Archie”
“Sigh…no, Step-mummy Sue they’re good guys in disguise – it is a good disguise though….”

Sigh – you civilians are SO naive – you’re surrounded by dodgy characters but you just don’t know how to spot them – just as well you’ve got a super special agent to keep you safe. I’m misunderstood and unappreciated, but that’s the price you pay in this job – sigh…..

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

“ARCHIE BEANZ YOU ARE A DISGRACE!”

“Hmmm, what’s that Step-mummy Sue?”

Bertie "the muscle" - named muscle always lives to be in the next episode....

Bertie “the muscle” – named muscle always lives to be in the next episode….

“YOU WENT FOR AN INNOCENT HUSKY TYPE; YOU JUMPED OFF THE BOAT; YOU LED HERBIE HOUND ASTRAY AND YOU ALMOST GOT BERTIE KILLED”

“I know, all in the call of duty”

“DUTY…..DUTY…??”

“Oh yes, Step-mummy Sue, Husky types are all terrorists”

“WHAT??”

“Oh yes, you can tell because they walk with their tails up and their bottoms on show”

“But what about all the labradors we’re passed?”

“They were true blue Brits”

“and all the yappy sausage dogs that you’ve totally ignored?”

“Purleese – they’re just a sideshow….”

“So what you’re telling me is that you only bark and go ballistic if they’re known terrorists”

“Or suspected, of course, no use waiting until you’ve got evidence, who know what they’d get up to. But don’t worry Step-mummy Sue, there’s no need to feel guilty, there’s no expecting you to recognise terrorists, you haven’t had the training…”

“GUILTY? GUILTY? YOU SHOULD BE THE ONE FEELING GUILTY – YOU GOT BERTIE INTO TROUBLE, HE RAN MILES ALONG THE A30, HE COULD HAVE BEEN KILLED”

“Turn the volume down, Step-Mummy Sue, after all, Bertie’s not even a OO, he’s just the muscle…”

“JUST THE….WAAAAAAH”

“And anyway, he wasn’t killed, he came back and he was just fine, so he’s not the, you know, expendable muscle, he’s like the named comedy muscle, like, uh, ‘jaws’ in those human movies based on my life….”

The name's Beanz, Archie Beanz, you can't afford to lose sleep over every little thing when you're a special agent....

The name’s Beanz, Archie Beanz, you can’t afford to lose sleep over every little thing when you’re a special agent….

“You are hopeless Archie – I’m not talking to you any more…”

“Excellent, I need some peace and quiet, now rub my tummy….”

“No”

“Go on, rub my tummy..”

“You know you want to….”

“No”

“Go on, rub my tummy…”

“Oh Archie, you are incorrigible…”

Sigh – I’m so misunderstood and unappreciated…..

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