Dog Blog: Holby Casualty ER Emergency Ward 10 House Vets….

Emergency Ward….

Episode 1

“Well Miss Sexy Vet Nurse, this is IT, Step-mummi Sue is looking after four greyhounds on top of her own three, we need to be prepared…”

“Oh no, Mr Hero Vet, the world’s gone mad, we’ll never manage, there’s just not enough vets, nurses, medicines….”

“Don’t panic, Miss Sexy Vet Nurse, I’ve booked the extra vets and opened an emergency hotline – our pharmacy’s on standby – I think we’re ready…”

“Oh Mr Hero Vet, you’re so wonderful, but have you ordered enough drugs for the really rare diseases, the ones that only llamas and armadillos get..”

“Good point Nurse, those hounds never get anything ordinary, get onto the pharmacy right now – better order the drugs that they only use on giraffes and sick scorpions too…”

……………….

“Ok nurse, this is it – Ty has bitten Ollie, get the suture kit, the antibiotics and the painkillers….”

Who mugged Monty? Herbie, Archie…..anything to confess???

“And now Lou is dangerously ill – it’s tragic, but it’s time to say ‘Goodbye’ to the old girl…”

“Mr Hero Vet, won’t all this tragedy drive Step-mummi Sue mad?”

“It’s ok, Miss Sexy Vet Nurse, Step-mummi Sue is tough – anyway let’s hope that the end of it and the rest of the holidays will go smoothly….”

“Mr Hero Vet, call in CSI, someone’s got Monty”

“Don’t worry Miss Sexy Vet Nurse, it’s just a flesh wound – pass me the hibiscrub….”

“But don’t we need know who dunnit?, Mr Hero Vet..”

“That’s not our job, Miss Sexy Nurse, let’s leave that to the detectives….”

“Who. Mr Sexy Vet, who can solve this dastardly crime – Poirot, Columbo, Rebus???”

“No, Miss Sexy Nurse, we need the specialists – call Scooby-Doo….”

“I’ll call Scooby straight away, oh wait, there’s the emergency hotline, oh no, Mr Hero Vet, Herbie says he’s dislocated his hip! Oh sorry, no, he’s bruised his toe…..”

“And now Herbie says his foot’s been cut off….oh sorry, no, he’s got a 1mm cut on his paw….”

“And now Step-mummi Sue says that Herbie, Henry, Archie AND Ollie have got conjunctivitis….”

Oh no, Archie’s lost his head!!

“Now now Miss Sexy Vet Nurse, you know that’s not possible, conjunctivitis is not contagious in dogs….good grief, you’re right, all four have got conjunctivitis – have we got enough eye drops?”

“Oh no, Mr Hero Vet, we’ve only got three bottles – I mean – we haven’t used any for a month – I never guessed – it’s my fault – I should have known that we’d need more….”

“Now now Miss Sexy Vet Nurse, calm down, it’s not your fault, we could never be prepared enough for Step-mummi Sue having seven, sorry, six hounds….”

“Mr Hero Vet, Herbie says Henry bit him and his leg’s hanging off – oh sorry, no, oh actually, yes, those are really nasty wounds…”

“Ok Miss Sexy Nurse, we always thought it might come to this – prep the OR, get a line in, take some bloods, lets get this hound some painkillers; Snap my surgical gloves – this is a job for Mr Hero Vet….”

“Mr Hero Vet, Step-mummi Sue says the hounds have just bitten through an aerosol can full of deodorant….”

“Quick Miss Sexy Nurse, do a head count….”

Oh No, Step-mummi Sue has gone over the edge – there’s no saving her from mad frock syndrome…

“A head count, but Step-mummi Sue knows how many hounds she’s got…”

“No nurse, a count to see whether they’ve still got their heads after chomping an aerosol – anyway, you know Step-mummi Sue can’t count and I’ve heard that poor woman has finally cracked – she’s been see wearing a big frock and saying “tomorrow is another day…” in a soft southern accent…”

“Ok, Mr Hero Vet, the hounds have their heads, Herbie’s comfortable in hospital – now, what can we do for Step-mummi Sue……”

“There’s nothing we can do for her, Miss Sexy Nurse, she’s a greyhound addict, there’s no group therapy or detox in the world that can help them….”